Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
