Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
