dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nutella sex= disaster
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
