very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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