exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
