I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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