also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
