I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
