It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
