you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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