he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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