Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
