Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
