If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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