Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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