Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize