On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
