i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
