dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
