So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
