life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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