i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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