I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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