People in love make me want to vomit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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