I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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