I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
