Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
