god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
