she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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