I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
sex in a hospital.. check
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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