nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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