My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
