It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
