So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
