3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
