so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
