Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize