oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize