Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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