this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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