I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
