You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
