my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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