totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
