did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
