I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
