bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
