I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I looked at my own cervix.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
