I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
