Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
