I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
