I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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