if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
