I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
