Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
