Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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