i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
