Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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