Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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