Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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