break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
