I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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