I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
