You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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