The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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