I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
