Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
