You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
