3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Panties = found
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
