we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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