GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
